Sexual Intercourse & You
So, you’ve got the checklist all squared away?
When you’re thinking about mature swinger gallery sexual intercourse, and you’ve got everything you feel you need: materially, in terms of your relationship, and emotionally, you’re probably still reading because you want to know HOW to make it all work your first time. The bulk of questions we get asked about first intercourse are: Will it hurt? Will I bleed? mature swinger photo Will I hate it? I’m so scared, what do I do? Why isn’t my boyfriend talking to me now that we’ve had sex? Why didn’t I orgasm?
Let’s start here. Imagine mature woman swingers that you’re standing on the edge of a diving board, a hundred feet above the pool. If you’re ready to try diving, you know how, and you really want to do it, your mind and your body will cooperate and let you. You may not execute it perfectly the first time, but you’ll feel good about trying, and you won’t kill dating mature site swinger uk woman yourself either. On the other hand, if you’re not ready, you don’t know how, or you don’t want to, your body and your mind just aren’t going to let you do it. You feet will keep inching back, your heart will race, your head will say “No, no, no,” a thousand times over, and you just won’t be ableto jump. That’s a interracial swingers mature good thing: it’s the way our bodies and minds work together to keep us safe.
The same goes with sexual intercourse. To begin with, if you or your partner both really aren’t prepared, ready, or willing, sexy mature swingers it just isn’t going to work, it will hurt, you won’t enjoy yourselves, and no one will have a good time. So, for starters, bear that in mind. Even if you think you’re ready now, reading this, and you get there and change your mind, it is perfectly okay to backpedal and wait for another time. Oneof the biggest facets gallery mature pic swinger xxx of sexual maturity is knowing your own limits, and being able to clearly and freely voice them and act upon them. If you can’t do that, or don’t feel okay doing that, you need to learn to do so before you get into bed with anyone. Sexuality is something that is with you your whole life, so if you want to wait, swinger tale mature the nice thing is that it will too, and your sexual life goes by the pace YOU set, not the other way ’round.
That given, the first mature swinger fuck step in enjoyable intercourse is for it to be natural. Sex isn’t like an algebra test: you can’t just start in classroom 203 when the bell goes off, and go through the motions to get a passing grade, and expect it to be phenomenal. Ultimately, it should be a natural progression. If you’ve been having other kinds of mature adult swingers sexual and intimate activity beforehand — what is often called foreplay, though you can engage in it whether or not you want to have sexual intercourse — with someone you care about and trust, you’ll move (or not, depending on your own limits) into intercourse without it feeling forced or alien. Foreplay, which most mature swingers home page people need to have enjoyable intercourse the first time and thereafter, can include:
Hugging and cuddling
Touching, massage or caressing mature swinger moms
Manual sex (fingering)
Oral sex, (fellatio)
Sexual talk or role swinger photo play
Other kinds of stimulation.
Relaxation and Arousal
Though it’s normal to free swinger photo be nervous, if you’re with someone you trust, enjoy other sexual play, and you feel safe in that situation, you should be at least somewhat relaxed. If you aren’t, be sure and take stock of why. You may just be nervous because you’re doing something new, but it’s also possible either you aren’t ready, you don’t want swinger party photo to, or you aren’t really with someone you trust or feel safe with. Listen to your intuition — it’s usually right.
When your body relaxes, swinger sex photo your muscles get a little looser, your breathing gets a little deeper, and then you can stay sexually aroused. When you are aroused (excited), your body will act in kind, lubricating itself, loosening the muscles and tendons in your whole pelvic area, and becoming more sensitive to sensation and touch.
When and if you feel ready to attempt intercourse, before you do anything else, have your partner put on a condom, or, if you’re the male partner, put the condom on. You should not be trying a condom for the first time and first intercourse. Make sure you know how to use one well before. Be sure to use latex-safe lubricant (KY Jelly, Astroglide, Wet, etc.) on the condom after it is on, and put a generous amount of lube on and around the entire vulva. Either or both of you can massage the vaginal opening and clitoris with the lube, and be sure it’s really slippery.
The vaginal opening is where the penis is inserted. There is no need to worry about penetrating the urethra by accident, because that simply isn’t possible. Be sure your partner knows it is your first time, and be sure you make clear that he or she be patient, and communicate with you as you go. This isn’t the time to be shy, or get silent, so if you have a problem talking about sex, you shouldn’t be quite this far.
For most women, the two best positions for first intercourse are either the missionary (where the man is on top), or with the woman on top. The woman being on top may be a little easier because she can control how deeply she is being penetrated. When you begin penetration, go slow. Start by just setting the tip of the penis against the vaginal opening. You can learn a thing or two here from an eastern tantric tradition: if you simply set the penis at the vaginal opening, and either of you gently put your weight on the other and press down slowly as you both relax, women will open to penetration more naturally, and for the guys, it’s a good way to soothe the nerves.
It’s up to the female partner say how deep to go, and how fast to move. Don’t do anything that feels horribly uncomfortable for eother of you: pain is the way your body tells you not to do something. It may only feel good to penetrate you an inch, and move very slowly. On the other hand, it may feel just fine to enter more deeply for both partners, and move more rapidly. Tell each other as you go what feels good, and what doesn’t, and be prepared to be really patient with each other.
Most of all, breathe. Look at the instructions given to a woman in labor. Though intercourse isn’t anything close to as painful or intensive for your body (mainly the female body, most men don’t feel any physical pain or discomfort during first intercourse), the best thing for both of you to do is to breathe. Take nice deep breaths, and keep them steady. Bringing oxygen into your body and releasing it keeps your muscles relaxed, your head clear, and your heart steady and calm.
Pain and Bleeding (For The Gals)
You may find that it does hurt. Your hymen may or may not be stretched or eroded yet until now, and even if it has been (as it is in many young women) from tampon use, or basic physical activity, it may not have been stretched as much before as it is being stretched now. Again, go slow. If it really hurts, stop; take a couple minutes again where the penis is just pressed against your opening, perhaps stimulate your clitoris a little, or hug and kiss. When and if you’re ready, try again. You may find you have to do this any number of times, and since it should still be enjoyable and intimate, there is absolutely no need to apologize for it. In fact, you may find that you don’t want to be fully penetrated on the first try. That’s just fine, as well. Sex isn’t a one-shot deal — it’s a lifelong experience. Anyone in a hurry to “get it over with,” has completely missed the boat.
We all have different personal pain thresholds. For some women, first intercourse pain is a hiccup, and for others they feel a good deal of pain and discomfort. All in all, having your leg broken, or a limb or digit cut off or really intense menstrual cramps hurts a whole lot more. So does childbirth. Yet it’s all in who we are, and how we process and experience pain. If it hurts a lot for you, you aren’t a wuss, or weak, and if it doesn’t hurt at all, that doesn’t mean you weren’t a virgin, or that something is wrong with you, either. First intercourse pain is, in general, fairly mild and short pain if you are aroused, relaxed, properly lubricated, and have a sensitive and patient partner.
There are a very small number of women whose hymens are simply very resistant to opening at all, and these women will feel tremendous pain at attempting intercourse. If you’re one of them, you have probably found you cannot use tampons either, nor insert a finger into your vaginal opening. No matter how you try and break down a gate like this, it just isn’t going to open, so you’ll need to go and see a doctor or gynecologist to deal with it. Sex aside, it’s not really healthy or comfortable to go through life with that sort of hymen, so you may need a surgeon or doctor to make an incision before you can do any of these things. Your doctor will talk to you about your options.
You may also bleed during first intercourse, and even during the next few times you try it. If you’re well lubricated, and your partner goes slow, that should be minimal, but during the first time, it’s usual enough that you’ll probably want to wear a menstrual pad (NOT a tampon) for the first 24 hours or so afterwards. Bleeding doesn’t mean anything has been damaged, but simply that some tissue has been stretched, abraded or torn, and, like your lips and mouth, it is tissue that is engorged with blood, so it is opened or stretched, you will bleed.
Either of you may or may not have an orgasm during first intercourse, and it is common that many women won’t from intercourse by itself. Most women don’t. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t good, that anyone failed, or that anything is wrong. Even once you’re an expert at intercourse, it is entirely possible — and usual — that it won’t be what brings you to climax by itself, but that other forms of sex, like oral sex or clitoral stimulation combined with intercourse, will. In addition, it is also highly common that during first intercourse, the male partner’s erection may not last very long, and he may reach orgasm very quickly, perhaps even more quickly than he wanted to. Again, that too is okay, and it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. It just means that something so new and intense, and often a little nervewracking, has effects on your body. This too shall pass.
You Aren’t Alone
It is likely that during this experience, both partners may need downtime or care. Bear in mind that first intercourse, while not painful for men, isn’t easy either, and the male partner may likely be just as nervous, scared or inexperienced as the gal is.
Don’t forget that men often have a pretty serious burden to bear with first intercourse, and feel pretty serious pressure to do it right, make it good, and perform. Most young men are also very scared and nervous of hurting their female partners. Try and be sure and remember that women aren’t the only ones with issues and fears, and give each other the same patience and sensitivity you want from your partner.
When you’re done with intercourse, take off the condom away from the vulva slowly, knot it, and throw it away. Sometimes, a condom can slip off and get “lost” in the vagina during intercourse. If that happens, reach into your vagina, and feel for the circular or ring end of the condom. Pinch it together, and pull it out carefully, to avoid spilling any semen. If that happens, you will want to be aware that you do have an STD or pregnancy risk to attend to, and deal with it accordingly.
Both parties should urinate after sex as a habit, especially women. Because the vaginal opening is very close to the urinary opening, bacteria can get into that opening and give you a urinary tract infection. In general, this can be easily avoided by making it a habit to urinate both before and after sexual intercourse.
When all is said and done, though first intercourse may hurt a little physically, it is a far greater matter emotionally, and for our relationships.
You may find you have a number of different feelings after first intercourse. You might feel very excited, or glow, or you might feel ashamed or confused. It is entirely likely you’ll feel a combination of both, and everything in between. The same holds true for your partner.
Give yourself what you need after sex, and ask your partner for what you need from them, and to voice their own needs. You may want to snuggle, talk, or go have lunch or take a walk together. You may instead want some time alone. It’s up to each of you.
Sometimes, having intercourse can change a relationship temporarily or permanently, because both of you may have complex feelings about it, and it may take some time to process. It may be that it wasn’t what you expected, or that it made you see a different side of your partner you’re unfamiliar with or uncertain about. All of that is okay. Keep the channels of communication open, talk to your partner about your feelings, and be a good listener when your partner talks to you. If you do those things, even if the relationship changes in terms of what you are to one another (sexual partners, boyfriends and girlfriends, or just friends), you’ll keep the integrity of what you had, and keep it good for both of you.
Who you tell about your experience is up to you. It is a good idea to tell some family member, even if they aren’t your parents, simply to keep the channels open, and give them the information they need to take care of you best. You’ll probably want to tell one or two of your friends, as well. Because people who don’t know you well probably don’t know the intricacies of your personal relationships, it’s usually best not to tell the whole world, as they may make judgments about you based on only partial information that may make you feel uncomfortable. You may want to talk to your partner about who you are both going to tell, just to be sure you both get the level of privacy that you need.
Lastly . . .
Now that you’re sexually active, you need to get into a habit of tending to your sexual health, if you haven’t already. Make an appointment at a gynecologists office (or your regular doctor, if you’re male) or clinic to get regularly tested for STDs and infections, and to discuss your birth control options. Though condoms used correctly (which you NEED to be using, regardless of your history or your partners) are adequate birth control, there are also other additional backup options, and the best person to talk about them with is a doctor.
Take some time to think about what new responsibilities this aspect of your life entails, because there are a lot of them. Review the checklist. Evaluate your own feelings. For instance, once some people have intercourse with a partner, they sometimes feel they are then always obligated to do so again, and that isn’t so at all. Think about how you want to work this in your relationship, and in your life. Figure out what it means to you, to your partner, and to the relationship you have, and how you want to manage it.
Sexual intercourse isn’t an end to anything, nor is it the doorway to the entirety of your adult life, but it is most certainly an event that is important and pivotal for many people, and is one of the passages of your life, of which there will be many. Above all else, celebrate it in whatever way feels best to you, and take a look at this step in your life with thought to what pace you want to take with it now.