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Swingers Guide


Practice Makes Perfect

No, not practicing your sexual technique (that can help), but practice talking to people you DON’T know. That is one of the hardest things to do, especially for singles, particularly for some single men.

Talking to people is the first step to knowing if you really want to become involved with them. However, starting that conversation is an art that must be developed. It took me a lot longer to develop that skill because I come from a small town and I knew almost everything about almost everyone before I ever met them. There were no strangers in the five surrounding communities, and that acutally hindered (and still hinders) my personal life. Just like I knew the bad habits of people I had never met, people I never met knew mine. And when you are the only person who knows every Star Trek or Lost in Space episode and can quote any line just by hearing a short description of what happened, you are considered wierd. Funny that being able to tell how many points a particular athlete scored is considered useful information but…

where was I?

If you are a single man or woman just getting into swinging you have to hone your conversational skills past the point needed for just dating or regular socializing. Unlike a couple, you don’t have someone else for moral support or security. Its just you, and you have to be able to tell which way is up before your potential playmate(s) have a chance to pull the wool over your eyes (yes, couples will try to deceive you as fast as those evil single men and attention starved single women). The way to do this is to become so comfortable talking to total strangers that they leave thinking they have known you forever but forgot your name.

Practice talking to women on the street and finding out what technique works to get them to open up to you while at a bus stop or in line at a supermarket. Don’t try to pick them up, just try to start a light conversation. Then do the same with men you don’t know, then, most importantly, couples. Once you can approach a strange couple on the street and get them to talk to you, you can will have the confidence needed to make others have confidence in you. For singles, especially single men, that is one of the biggest roadblocks to swinging:Making others feel you are here for fun, not because its your last resort for sex or socialization.

Clubs. Again, knowing how to start a conversation with a couple you don’t know in a non-sexual environment will go a long way to meeting couples when you go to clubs. First of all, if you are a single man who is practicing meeting couples on the street, you will almost automatically talk to the man and build some kind of rapport with him. If you are a single woman, you will most likely start by talking to the woman. If you do this enough, when you go to a swing club you will automatically fall into that mode. Sure, everyone knows you are there hoping to eventually have sex, but by approaching the same sex member of a couple and talking to them instead of approaching the opposite sex partner will go a long way making the couple comfortable with you. Once you get to the joking and flirting part of the conversation, THEY will be the ones asking you to join them, not you asking if you can join them.

Lastly, the confidence thing again. Why do basketball players practice freethrows? So they know what works. Why do they practice jumpshots? So it becomes natural. Once something becomes natural, you will have confidence in doing it. If you are a single used to talking to couples, it will go a long way to making couples comfortable around you. Because they will see you are comfortable talking to them. Once you have confidence in yourself, others will have confidence in you. When others have confidence in you, they are more likely to think of you favorably. When that happens, guys, “Nice tits Mrs. O” becomes a compliment, not a come on.

Written by Aaron Bailey – reprinted from swingersboard.com

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